Time goes by – a cry for help

via MorgueFile

via MorgueFile

Have you ever felt like the day goes by so fast, yet so slowly, that you look at the clock, then do little nothings, and the next time you look at the clock you notice many hours have past? I have. And I do it all the time.

For the past few months, I have been trying to start my writing and editing business, pay more attention to the blog, and collaborate on time with the online publications I’m part of. Getting an office job wouldn’t hurt either, and making friends and meeting people here would be amazing.

I want to do all of  these things. Move from here to there for meetings and things, be a productive freelancer, take dogs out for a walk – I’ve announced myself as a petsitter in the neighbourhood, to no avail -, chat around with the neighbours, and attracting thousands with meaty articles every day. I really want to accomplish things and become a productive member of society. An inspiration, perhaps.

Nevertheless, time keeps slipping from my hands like a torrential waterfall.

I can be doing nothing, like cleaning the bathroom< and the next thing you know, two hours have gone by. Two hours cleaning the bathroom. Or editing pictures, researching, reading, writing, ironing, preparing meals. So many simple things that could be finished in minutes, but take hours to me.

And it’s not like they’re hard, not at all. Actually, it feels like I get lost in them. Like the clock moves faster and time is actually trolling me. It feels like every time I do anything, I fall into a time loop. Have you seen Sucker Punch? Well, I feel like Baby Doll when she does her dance and is transported into a completely different dimension. Except, in my dimension, nothing thrilling happens. I just feel like I’m doing that very same thing I’m doing, but for a smaller amount of time.

Or do I actually fall into blackouts for hours? I don’t feel myself passing out and waking up, but I wonder where the heck does my time go. And it’s so distressful.

I have read there are at least three conditions that cause forgetfulness and memory loss: hypothyroidism, depression and sleep apnea. I have the first two of those. It’s  a relief to know what is going on with me and why, but I would love to know how to control it.

How can I reclaim time, second by second?

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2 responses to “Time goes by – a cry for help

  1. I wish I had the answer, alas, I am in exactly the same predicament! I do find that writing a to-do list helps somewhat, to know exactly what needs to be done. Here’s to a more productive us! xx

  2. As an adult living with ADHD and hypothyroidism and generalized anxiety, I relate to you, Cyn, I don’t really have tips, On the good days, I usually just hyper-focus on things and everything else becomes a blur. On the bad days I just feel like a broken radio. Hugs.

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